The benefits of staying exactly where you are…
Today is my 40th birthday.
I rarely highlight my birthday but this year something feels significantly different.
Maybe it’s because I can honestly share that in the last 12 months, I truly surrendered and pushed through the hardest, greatest lessons in my life. I am simply not the person I was a year ago and my relationship to my life has, by choice, fundamentally changed. I’m healthier, happier, more grounded & grateful as I turn 40 than ever.
It was not an easy path… as you know.
I got brutally honest with myself, took responsibility for what my life was reflecting back to me, changed stubborn habits, did things that nearly paralyzed me and in the process...I discovered something very powerful about payoffs, that is key to where I am today.
Here’s the deal…you know what the payoff is for getting healthy, earning more money, sticking to your boundaries, hiring staff, breaking up an unhealthy relationship or countless other “positive” changes but do you know what the is payoff for doing the same thing over again?
If you are feeling stuck or having a hard time making changes in your life or business then it’s time to look the payoff you’re getting for staying exactly where you are.
Payoffs come in countless forms…
- don’t earn a sustainable income then you get to keep your co-dependent status with your partner and won’t rock the dynamic of your relationship or their confidence.
- don’t charge your clients what you are worth then you keep those unworthy feelings and stoke the fire that dictates that it’s necessary to work 24/7 just to make ends meet.
- keep yourself too busy for social engagements then you don’t have to say “no” or be honest about your priorities and the extra bonus is you get to remain disconnected.
- date a jerk then you receive confirmation that you are not lovable and safe from the potential of meeting someone you truly fall in love with which is very risky business.
- keep your finances and accounting a mess and you avoid facing the serious decisions and lifestyle changes that may be required
As borderline absurd as the above might sound the bottom line is that one outcome or another – you are getting something out of it and knowing specifically what it is empowers you to make a choice.
I’d highly recommend honing your observation skills so you can see what payoffs are unconsciously driving your decisions.
Many occasions will present a chance for you to observe and practice. It was a few weeks ago that I had just one of those opportunities…
Summer is fun and it can be overwhelming between navigating work, kids activities, staff holidays or visiting family. By June 1st, I was super stoked to have my summer schedule all mapped out with childcare booked, beach & family time blocked out, writing, client and project objectives set.
Then it happened. Just before school ended my childcare fell through completely with extremely limited options. And just as fast as it fell through I hopped on an old train…
The first thought I had wasn’t about childcare alternatives and how I would figure it out. My first thought was that I wouldn’t be able to finish writing my book. Then came a big sigh of relief not disappointment.
Why? Because in one split second, unconsciously, I had just figured out how to stay exactly where I was.To contract, not expand.
Putting my book out in the world is pretty scary stuff. People might not like it or love it. Either way it’s a leap out of my comfort zone and a risk.
As soon as I realized where the train was leading me, I re-routed. I reluctantly faced my fears, got creative about childcare, adjusted my schedule and moved forward.
So, ask yourself, ” What is the real payoff for ….(insert where you are right now)?”
Your answer is key to having the power to consciously choose whether the payoff is worth it or not.
Here’s to greater understanding and receiving the payoffs – the ones you truly desire!